I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
this hospital has no fireball
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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