I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
