i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize