I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
