I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
