I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
