yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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