marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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