Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
