Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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