dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
