Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
