meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
