I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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