Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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