I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
