Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
