take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
