i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
