kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
