Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
