Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
