One girl and one boy is just not enough.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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