We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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