True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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