Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
