Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
