Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
