Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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