Moan for me like Helen Keller
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize