Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
