Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
