My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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