So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
