WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
