If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
