Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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