Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My ass is underappreciated
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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