I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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