Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
