return my video game
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
