Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize