I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
please come you make the beer taste better
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
