she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Your penis caused this!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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