Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
