Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
