Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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