you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
