I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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