In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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