Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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