Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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