Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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