bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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