well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
