I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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