There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
