I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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