So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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