$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
