We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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