we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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