If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
