i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize