I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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