I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
