yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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