maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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