I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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