He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
