I met the friendliest cop last night
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
