Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
